coffee addict

Last night I couldn't shake the thought that my 9-5 is absolutely meaningless. This job means nothing in the grand scheme of things....of anything.

And I will be a very jaded soul if I continue my life in this particular vein of "work."

I've been struggling with that word a lot these days as I watch the semblance of my "life" crumble to a big messy pile of what happens when I'm not "at work." Going out to dinner, a drink here and there, catching up with friends, never cleaning. This can't go on forever.

I'm on the fence, back and forth. By the end of January, I'll have kept up these goddamn 50-hour workweeks for nearly four months. That's a third of a year. I can't imagine working a job like this for years...and adding up how much of your life was spent in a high-walled cubicle, staring at a computer, communicating electronically, so you can put food on the table and pay rent or mortgage that month.

There is life beyond websites and redesign and home decorating. There are substantial, heartfelt ENCOUNTERS, EXPERIENCES, everyday EVENTS that matter. I know this! I know because I used to take part in it.

It's awful to ponder, especially on dark, cold December nights.

I think I need to find a new line of work. I need to give more.