Sunday Fog

Crazy wind is kicking up dust everywhere, including in my coffee. The coffee house is full, so I'm sitting on the street, mindlessly surfing the Intarweb and posting picutres or something, awaiting Janna's arrival.

This here's hurricane weather.

Melanie and I drove to the Smokies yesterday and hiked to Rainbow Falls. This was following a late, late night on the front porch for Wendy's party, which went off without a hitch and only ended with one broken flower pot. Not so bad, considering. The hike, however, was beautiful. We walked off slight hangovers among various couples who eyed Mel and I with suspicion at first. I think it was the camo shorts. Nothing compared to the reaction we got in Hardees on Chapman Highway on the way out! Jesus Christ you'd think those folks had never seen a girl with short hair before! HAH! It was a rowdy start to the trip.

Also: saw some bears, took lots of photos, available on Picasa; found the lone TCBY in Knoxville, which is out in West Bumble (whoa!!!); watched television; ran into enough people on the Square last night to make it feel like...I went to high school here or something. And I didn't. I've been here for a few days longer than three years.

That's the douchebag who scared me into running into Shane Pack's bike one time in South Knox...idiot. He drives around in his Mustang covertible listening to 80s music as loud as possible.

Can't wait to hear back from that potential job(s). Woooo BOY do I need the money now, especially if my company decides not to give me an advance for what they owe me. Dammit....Willamette...!

I not-so-wisely decided to buy a bottle of tequila last night (limited budget? naaaah...not last night! Hah!) and the fog in my head is just now clearing. Mmmm mmm I have an open week ahead of me, hopefully filled with a new suit and a job interview. Keep yo fingers crossed, please.

Sometimes Mistaken

dop·pel·gäng·er: noun
1: a ghostly counterpart of a living person2 a: double 2a b: alter ego b c: a person who has the same name as another

On a sober(ing?) adventure out last night, I saw an almost-double of a friend out West. This guy had his miniature pony, who looked quite tired and was the size of a large dog, at the bar. Huh. Then someone mistook me for another, apparently short-haired, female at the Pub. This man, who I do know, asked me how I was doing. After I told him about my trip, fascination with that state and future plans, he told me that instead, I should leave the United States.

"Yeah, but I gotta start with the other side of the country first. I'll build up to it."

"But what is there to build up to? You're a wandering soul. I know; I've seen you.

I can prove it."

He wanted to bet me $20 on leaving the country. This is following a very humorous, lame attempt by a groupie selling CDs. He wanted to get to Asheville. I saved my wit. My friend's bill, however, went toward another bet:

"I'll bet you this 20 dollars I have pictures of you from a Garage Deluxe show."

"Where? When?"

"Oh, three and a half years ago."

"But I didn't even live here then."

His face softened a little bit, and he smiled, admitting he had me confused for someone else. I seemed to fit this woman's persona, though, cause he pinned me (or her) as one not too keen on television and a few other telling points.

Our conversation lingered, though, and rambled around my dreams and goals. I'm so uncertain of those. He mentioned our consumer society, and what I was going to "put out there." Writing? Words? Incentives? Lessons? I don't know what I want to prove, accomplish, DO. Live simply. What dream am I chasing though? Must I chase anythign at all?

He apologized afterwards for being so pressing:

"But I just see so much vibrance from you."

Before I left I reminded him of the day we sadly sat inside at the bar and made napkin lists of requirements for a potential suitor. His were hilarious, and I actually came across those very napkins while pilfering through some drawers in my closet last week. It was a sweet conversation, and seeing my friend so tired working the door urged me to move on. Of course that wasn't the end of my adventures last night; I saw some cops chasing what seemed to be a vagrant underneath the viaduct on Gay Street. Sassy Ann's was too crowded to enter, so instead I sat on the porch and listened to Peter while hilarious groups of people waited to get inside. The evening wore on me though, and I slowly rode home, and as always, wished I had walked instead of riding.

The train dreams continued last night, though. This time I was crossing tracks that were at least 10 wide. I didn't make it though, and a train was roaring past. I laid down in the middle of a track, thinking the train might go over me. It stopped, right in front of me, which I couldn't believe. Much scarier than losing my luggage.

It's been a peaceful day. Melanie and I listened to Todd Steed & the Suns of Phere at WDVX, where I reminisced about travelling, being lost and giving up to lay in gardens and parks. I'm awaiting a call from a fantastic job opportunity, my new backpack and exercising before work.

"Let's toast to right here."

Bouncing Around

The chaos is just starting...but it is a beautiful chaos. Opportunities laid in front of me that I never dreamed possible.

I interviewed with a staffing solutions company this morning that specializes in IT hires. I couldn't believe the company for which they want me to work! Now I'm just waiting to hear back after sending an updated resume. Hopefully I'll have another interview within the company itself, which (hint hint!) is very connected to the one for which I already work.

I AM SO TICKLED. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! Of course, I have yet to actually score this sweet, sweet temp contract job, but the set up! It's so ideal! I don't care if I don't have a day off till December..that would be AMAZING. And it would provide a much-needed boost to my quickly depleting savings account.

I'm swooning with joy.

West Coast, HERE I AM.

There is no slowing down now. One-way flights from Nashville are $147. That can't be beat.

Good energy is shining on me right now. Blessings are flowing freely.

Thank you for putting up with my whining and bitching. Really.

Drink up the South. That shit is 100 proof.

New tunes from the Felice Bros., compliments of Amy, pump through my ear buds at the lovely coffee shop. I'm off to work in a minute, but not without some surfing on the intarweb.

I escaped to Amy's house out in Louisville yesterday, and it was beautiful! We ran around in the woods, watched a storm roll in, discovered a mystery boat tied up to the shore and drank fruity vodka drinks all afternoon. Very peaceful Tuesday, and a repeat incident after a Monday/Tuesday on the lake in Nashville just a week ago.

My sister seems to have caught on to my mission to get rid of my stuff: while out on the lake she moved her chair back into her room. That's fine, but I wonder what other things she wants back. I'd be happy to help her, as it would be one less thing I have to worry about. I need less stuff; I need to give most of mine away! Would you like some stuff? I have a big pile of clothes and lots and lots of bags ready for a new home.

I want to make mix CDs and read and play crossword puzzles till the rain comes back.

Love and fluffy frosting

From Mr. Brezsny, for the week of September 4:
Resilience is a quality that allows you to rise above setbacks and find resources in unexpected places. It's a willful instinct to seek the higher ground and a bigger vision. It's intensely practical, because it shushes the nagging voices in your head that make negative interpretations of your experience, thereby allowing you to act courageously in your own best interests. This is Resilience Week for you, Leo. Call on your dormant reserves.

I'm working on it. Really. Fucking. Hard. Readjusting to home life has been a challenge. Really, it seems like my only challenge. I don't know if this is a good thing or something I failed to see very clearly until now? Either way, I have to deal with it, and I should do it gracefully. Those energies cannot overtake my happiness; rather, I should shower the situation with blessings and good energy, positive light, LOVE.

I'll get there. I'll poison her with love, as a particular friend put it.

Personally (what about that isn't personal!?), I finally made it to the Health Department this morning. If I had kept my earlier appointment in August, I think I would've ended up paying less. As it was, I paid 60 percent of the total, which was around $80. A lot fuckin cheaper than insurance and the cost of a doctor at least. AT LEAST. Meaning "at the minimum" or "in any case." I should use less of those. Refocus on the positive. Like this oh-so-heavently CUPCAKE from Magpies that I just purchased.

MMMMMMM cupcakes...

I proofed some feature in the Community section today about a cupcake business. I guess folks make money that way; at least Magpies does.

Cupcakes make me smile.

Work Stylez

I guess I'm back, new-fangled blogging site. I may even canel my myspace in favor of something so compatible with the (dominating) Google folks. They now know everything about me! Aiyeeee! That is, of course, in favor of giving myself to Mr. Murdoch each and every single day.

I just finished eating a delicious meal of my best attempt at tofu and veggies. I picked up a yellow squash the size of my lower leg yesterday and sacrificed the curvy part to my cast iron this afternoon with a few tips from Wendy. Should last me well into my Monday shift, too. Bosslady has been keeping up the scheduling, so a second part-time job can wait for at least a few more weeks. Thank fuckin christ, too, cause I'm not motivated to do something utterly ridiculous, like work at some call center. The idea crossed my mind on the way out to Ftn. City Pedaler yesterday, but after talking to Janna, it's the type of call center I'd want to give my time to.

But honestly, to whom would I care to give my time?
I've quite enjoyed filtering through my stuff. It feels like the start to a healthy cleanse. Thankfully my sister reminds me of my inner consumer and of how to shut it down. No, I don't need to DRIVE to Target to buy blank CDs; I hardly use blank CDs. Why start now? No, I also don't need cheaper shit at Target because of the mere fact that I would be driving there. It makes sense, always, and it's nice to have a reminder.

I guess this is my first attempt to wean myself from My/Murdochspace. I'll miss the easy connections, but that's what e-mail is good for. Which, for me, is also controlled by Google. So maybe I'm just moving from one platform to another.

In the mean time, check out my PHOTOS from de trip out West! Weeeehah!

oh darlin

oh darlin

Why does it seem like sirens are always linger after a round of fireworks?

These echoed softly into the evening. It's perfect outside on my porch; what we used to call one of those "can't feel it" nights, when you can't feel anything against your skin. It's not hot, it's not cool. Apparently it's going to rain tomorrow, a warm rain, so said my driver this morning.

I'm sipping on a glass of 2003 Siblings Shiraz. It's a delcious way to glide into the weekend. Gliding is just my style today. My sturdy legs let me glide around the neighborhood on my bike, seamless turning corners and shifting, only slowing for traffic. I GLIDED out of bed this morning, unaided by an alarm. Or maybe Wendy's went off, but it was a very gently way to wake up. I bobbed out of work, however, feeling really bad and getting tearful.

The following hours were spent frantically attempting to see a doctor, sans health insurance. It's quite difficult, I must add. I gave up after a while and resigned myself to my imbalance. I've been fighting an infection for nearly a month, although I only changed my diet recently. Two weeks on Tuesday, actually. No beer, no carbs, no sugar. Add acidophilus, tea tree thingys and healthy doses of Candex, on top of TONS of veggies and good protein. While my intake of said diet makes me feel good, my body is still in limbo. I was feverish this morning at work, hence my escape. Then I was crying all day, feeling bad for myself and thinking about quitting my second job.

It just doesn't pay to work 14 days in a row, ya know? It's not like I work long shifts, only about 5-7 hours a piece. But one of them is mentally demanding and the other takes a lot of patience and waking up early. Psssssh. Only a few more weeks, maybe 8? and I'll for sure be done with the latter.

The interstate contstruction is horrendous. At 12:01 a.m. May 1, they kicked off a 14-month endeavor, complete with all-night jackhammering (think giant backhoe with incessant pounding, mixed with my house trembling every so often) and daily rumbles. It's quite sad, cause it's such a contrast to the historic houses in my neighborhood. People have been complaining about the noise and their houses shaking. Grassroots movements against this could have been started ages ago...these people could stop USING the interstate, too, but that's my transportation rant, to be saved for another occasion.

Our society's fake gods have decided to step in, with giant machinery being toted on the scene 24 hours a day. 100-year-old houses, or man-made monstrosity that carries DRIVERS, goddamn MOTORISTS to their chosen destination. Does anyone's 1-40 closure coverage talk about the NEIGHBORHOODS and COMMUNITIES affected, aside from MOTHER FUCKING WEST KNOXVILLIANS WHO CAN'T GET THROUGH DOWNTOWN????? ... no. I plan to bring this up at the paper this weekend, see if they care. I doubt it, just as I doubt any paper bigwigs live in my neighborhood. You never know, though...some bigwigs definitely live here, just not sure if they're fire up enough to rant in the paper about it.

Cause god I want to.

Oooh! Oooh! I turned in my application for a REAL job at UT today!! It's not the most timely move I've ever made, but do I do timely things like that? No, not frequently. I hope it reached the right person. Wish me luck!

I need recovery. I need healing. I need two extra seconds of you time, and a lot of love and caring. While it seems like a lot, it's not.